I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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