Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
