i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
