you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
