well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
