New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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