i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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