To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
