I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
