In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
