She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
