There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
