A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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