How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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