Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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