ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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