I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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