i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
