at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I am available for nakedness
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
