Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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