Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
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He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
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Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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