PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Randomize
