We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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