Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
