I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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