In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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