SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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