It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
