i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I pour the whiskey from now on
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
