He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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