I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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