Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
