oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
