If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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