My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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