remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
