Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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