Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
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