sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
