one two three fourrrrnication!
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
