it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
