Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
