Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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