oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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