so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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