How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
you had me at cake vodka
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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