i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
