im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
