On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I need moral support for this bender
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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