My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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