I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
