Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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