It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
