i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
