God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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