dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
