Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
