Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
