Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I just blew my weed a kiss
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
