Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
