my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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