her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
