I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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