Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Randomize
