He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize