Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
