How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
