im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
