Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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