I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
