Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
