I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
MIDGETS
????
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
