eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
