i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
