Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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